Disasteraid.com
If you are from the Marines looking for "Priority 1 Urgent" Mine Resistant Ambush Protected (MRAP) vehicles, please go shopping at the National Guard Store. Governors! Are you finding your state the sudden victim of weather-related disasters? Don't wait for all your calligraphic pens and stationary to be destroyed in an unprecedented natural disaster. Register at disasteraid.com today and be the only state fully prepared when those thoroughly unpredictable weather changes occur! Remember: "If you don't request it, you won't get it!" Sign-Up Just follow these easy steps: Image:RequestStationary.png|Procure the proper stationary Image:PaperColorChoices.jpg|disasteraid.com has many colors in stock! Image:RequestFold.png|Fold the stationary into quarters... Image:RequestFormalSize.png|...which is the formal size of a request Image:RequestCalligraphicPen.png|Use a calligraphic pen to compose your request Image:CalligraphyPen.jpg|Which is also available at disasteraid.com! Image:Inkwell.jpg|Ink sold seperately The Proper Way To Request Aid Governor of The State of (your destroyed state) urgently requests the attendance of your aid and equipment at (disaster area) ::::::::::::::::Business Casual Reply Card [ ] Yes, the Federal Government will be attending. We will be bringing (circle one): :Sandbags :Supply trucks :The President for a photo-op [ ] No, we regretfully cannot attend as our equipment has a prior engagement in the Middle East. The Wrong Way To Request Aid Registry Governors who register with disasteraid.com can choose from our fully stocked catalogue. We have items for every stage of relief. From flashlights for when the power first gets shut off all the way up to 30-day supplies of doxycycline for your family's malaria needs! Level 1 Items Purchase a specified number of Level 1 items and you may qualify for items in "Level 2". Image:CrossWindchime1.JPG|When The Lord brings upon His Lands a wind of Smotion, these chimes sing His praises, no matter how strong the winds blow! (orders of 1,000) Add to My Cart Image:Bibles.jpg|Nothing says "disaster aid" like prayer! And what better book to use than Our Lord and Savior's very own Holy Bible! Disasteraid.com offers these fine leather bound King James editions in sets of 5,000. Add to My Cart Image:GunHolster.jpg|Nothing backs up prayer like a swift reminder of who's in charge, and nothing says who's in charge than these fine handguns that accompany every Bible you order from Disasteraid.com. Holsters are sold separately. Add to My Cart Image:CoachJesusSkiing.jpg|After arming Little Jabneel and Succoth-benoth, give them thousands of these non-blasphemous idols to take the place of any suddenly disappeared pets or friends. (If they don't come back, you never loved them to begin with) Skiin' Jesus Add to My Cart Image:CoachJesusGolf.jpg|Golfin' Jesus Add to My Cart Image:VirginMaryFigurine.JPG|The Mother of God Add to My Cart Level 2 Items Once you have ordered sufficient numbers of "Level 1" items you may now register for the "Level 2" items below. Remember, "If you don't request it, you won't get it!"™ Image:HardHats.jpg| Image:WorkGloves.jpg Image:ConstructionVest.jpg Image:SafetyGoggles.jpg Image:BarricadeTapeSamples.jpg Image:TrafficCones.jpg Image:Sandbag.jpg Level 3 Items And for our valued "Ranger level" customers only, please choose from these items to be placed on your registry! Image:20kFEMATrailersOUTOFSTOCK.jpg|Trailors currently out of stock Image:FamilySizedTent.jpg|While supplies last Image:Cot.jpg|While supplies last Image:BagOfIce1.jpg|Allow 3-5 day delay (FEMA no longer carries this itemhttp://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-fema3apr03,1,2992002.story) Image:PolandSpringBottledWater.png|Allow for 3-5 day delay Image:MRE.png|One flavor available, while supplies last Image:Radio.jpg|While supplies last Image:Flashlight.jpg|While supplies last Image:Syringe.png|Supplies currently under quarantine To purchase an item on another state's registry, please log in. Disasteraid.com is the internets tube where Governors may register to have disaster aid purchased for them by sympathetic multinationals!